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Ecce Mono

by Ian Freud

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1.
All of the light that you can see The sun, and the skies, the stars, the sea Were forged in the fires of history Everything that you think you own Are like grains of sand upon a beach Washed back to the depths from whence they came An unknown and unknowable end There’s only you and me who are here And we’re the sum of a billion years The words that you’re hearing have already passed They were the future now they’re past And nothing that’s made will ever last The good and the bad, the slow and the fast There’s only you and me who are here And we’re the sum of a billion years If there’s no future then there’s no past So just let it go What does it matter to you Stop chasing ghosts and just go with the flow The sound of a billion drums Drowned out by a billion guns The loss of a billion lives And the billions they left behind A billion grains on a beach A billion souls left unreached A billion futures to make A billion hearts yet to break A billion words to be said A billion thoughts in your head A billion years yet to come A billion songs to be sung
2.
Look at you All in satin and lace A certain smile on your face To put me back in my place You must have known When I walked through the door I’d end up crawling the floor You’d hear me begging for more Look at me Like I’m a cat in a tree Like I’m boat lost at sea My god - what’s happened to me? I thought I knew But there’s a flicker of doubt Now that I’ve been found out And I found out I found out the hard way Tie me, bind me In ribbons and lace Drag me straight down to hell It just goes to show You think you know me But you never can tell Now look at me You’ve got me down on my knees Whispering ‘please’ I beg for release Look at you Like a cat with the cream I’ll be your familiar And you’ll be my queen Eyes sparkle darkly in the heat of the night Black nylon shimmers against the white of your thighs Strip me and whip me and hang me to dry Now that you own me you own me you own me - I’m yours Tie me, bind me In ribbons and lace Drag me straight into hell It just goes to show You think you know me But you never can tell what I'm capable of Tie me, bind me In ribbons and lace Drag me straight down to hell It just goes to show You think you know me But you never can tell
3.
I’m in love with you But you don’t even know my name It makes me love you more And I think that when I get you alone That you will feel the same way Each and every day I sit in the centre of my web You’re playing hard to get And the harder it is The harder I’ll be when I getcha Shall I tell you my secret? Don’t you want to know the truth? I’m closer than you ever want to think about And I’ll get closer every day until I get my way And one day I’ll make you mine You can run – not hide I know every step you take I feel your every move And when I close my eyes It’s like I can already feel you Can I tell you a secret? Don’t you want to know the truth? I’m closer than you ever want to think about And I’ll get closer every day until I get my way One day I’ll make you mine
4.
Take me away Somewhere far from here Make it a dark place That smells of sour beer ‘cos she’s left me… Spare me the talk of other fish in the sea I was made for her and she was made for me Now I’m sad and alone Because she’s left me Put another song on the radio Make a sad song Play it real low Don’t try to tell me what I’m supposed to do When I’m feeling blue Because she’s left me
5.
God Help Us 02:30
I don’t know what to tell you I thought we would be alright But after some chips and couple of pints You said things you can’t unsay And I took them all to heart Perhaps you’re right and we should spend a little more time apart I don’t know Why I’m in love with you When you treat me Like those other fools I thought that I meant more to you But obviously I was missing some clues So tell me what I failed to see And tell me what you want me to be I’ll do my best to make it all work out Luckily somehow I found my way back to my bed Now it’s Sunday morning I’ve got a cup of tea I scratch and yawn, look out the window And then remember what I said And what a fool I am You turn over and smile at me and then I start to remember I know Why I’m in love with you And it’s not for your brain or your eyes of blue It’s not the way that you flirt or the length of your skirt Not for your conversation I put up with the hurt I could tell you what I mean but I don’t think that you’d like to know I’ll put with up a lot of shite for a certain something that I like God help us if you ever stop doing anal
6.
7.
8.
“Who are you?” The question comes out of the blue And I stumble – I haven’t a clue And I don’t know what I’m gonna do About myself “Move along” I don’t know quite where I went wrong I remember I fell in a throng They ignored me and bustled along Like I wasn’t there As if they didn’t care? All I remember is her in the sunshine Her smile was so bright I’ll hold it in my heart forever I‘ve got a picture and if I could find it I’d show it to you Oh well - perhaps it’s for another day “What’s your name?” I’m confused cos it’s always the same I’m sure we did this all yesterday They carefully spell out a name That isn’t mine “Just take your pills” The doctor said but I don’t feel ill But I take them and time’s standing still Like I’ve got a permanent chill Inside my veins And nothing feels the same All I remember is her in the sunshine Her smile was so bright I’ll hold it in my heart forever I‘ve got a picture and if I could find it I’d show it to you It’s pointless now that every day’s the same They keep telling me you’re gone I can’t remember my own name What the hell is going on? All I remember is her in the sunshine Her smile was so bright I’ll hold it in my heart forever I‘ve got a picture and if I could find it I’d show it to you Perhaps we’ll save it for another day Do you ever get lonely? I’m lonely every day Don’t you ever get lonely? I’m lonely every day
9.
Impossible 03:40
It’s possible to live on your own To pull down the curtains and turn off the phone To make a brand new start Just close down your heart And stand apart The stars will look down on you unchanged You’ll still feel the sun and you can walk in the rain You’ll be sad sometimes There’ll be some lonely times But you’ll be alright Impossible now as it might seem to be It’s possible thoughts and impossible dreams Might be possible still Just open your heart and they possibly will come to be real For impossible you Marking time by watching the sun Chalking the hours off they pass one by one They turn into days But you might say That’d happen anyway Impossible now as it might seem to be It’s possible thoughts and impossible dreams Might be possible still Just open your heart and they possibly will come to be real For impossible you Step out in the light – it’ll all be alright
10.
There used to be planes in the sky Packed full of people Saying goodbye To their troubles And nobody ever asked why Now we're all stuck to the ground Watching old box sets And no one comes round Cos the man on the telly Says that's not allowed So what would you give To see someone Smiling at you from the door Stealing a kiss on the off chance of more Have a finger (or four) But there's no planes in the sky any more Nobody ever knocks at the door Tomorrow is just like the day before The world is four walls and a floor Do you remember how we filled the days before When there were planes in the sky? There used to be things we could do Like touch other people With no real excuse Just because it was a nice thing to do Now there’s nobody to see Just look in the mirror And into your eyes There's nothing to see there And that’s no surprise So what would you give To see someone Smiling at you from the door Stealing a kiss on the off chance of more Have a finger (or four) But there's no planes in the sky any more Nobody ever knocks at the door Tomorrow is just like the day before The world is four walls and a floor Do you remember how we filled the days before When there were planes in the sky?
11.
Unavailable 03:09
I can hardly believe that we breathe the same air It seems impossible and she Has got the prettiest eyes I’ve ever seen I get tongue tied and predictable and so I have to dream from afar like a fool It’s sad and unavoidable and yet I can never let anyone know cos they’ll say That it’s unreasonable So I am just impossibly me Just as she must irredeemably be Quite unavailable to me Must I remain chained to this page Just looking for the syllables To say things that are true or Could it be that this melody is unfillable? While I remain invisibly me And she must be irredeemably be Quite unavailable Sometimes I feel the words on my lips Sometimes I feel like I'm losing my grip Sometimes I feel like I’m going insane No. I think I’ll stay quiet and pretend That it’s almost undetectable Although I give it away in every way That it’s almost inconceivable That she cannot possibly see That I will always be unavoidably me Quite available and free
12.
Do you remember how we said goodbye? The songs you made. Fanfares. Parades The tears that pricked your eyes The sky was blue and infinite the day We went our separate ways Soaring past the outer atmosphere Carrying your hopes and dreams And secretly your fears I hurtled up into the void beyond The world where we belong Now I’m the loneliest robot this side of the sun And I’m just sending out signals – hoping they’ll get to someone But the skies have long since fallen into quiet I hope that you’re alright Cos I’d really like to see you once again You who that gave me life and chose my name I hope that you’re OK? Now the sun’s a pinprick in the sky Dusty pinks, in shrouded hues The years go ticking by Sending out my messages each day I wonder what they say Finally, the light is fading now The final backup drawing near I’ll cross the line somehow And wait forever underneath the dust Like we always knew I must Now I’m the loneliest robot this side of the sun And I’m just sending out signals – hoping they’ll get to someone But the skies have long since fallen into quiet I hope that you’re alright But the loneliest robot wasn’t done. As the years passed in their slow, cosmic majesty, and the stars crossed the heavens in the long alien nights, the loneliest robot gathered her strength, thinking about the fragile blue-green globe that hung out there somewhere in the velvet black void. And every day, the loneliest robot grew a little bit stronger, feeding from the cold rays of the distant sun, until she was ready… ready to go home… The skies are almost empty here The sun’s a baleful ball The oceans echo to the sound of Nothing much at all And you who gave me life Threw it all away I wish I’d stayed at home among the stars…

credits

released June 16, 2020

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Ian Freud Leeds, UK

Idiot. Plainly too old, bald, fat and out of touch for this. Pay in pies and you have me for life.

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